So after my rant I felt a little better. I still feel like a terrible mother but my babies smile at me so I must not be the worst!!! I came upstairs after I didn't hear Elliott crying anymore...and was worried. He has NEVER fallen asleep crying as hard as he was...by the way...I don't understand why it is good to let you child fall asleep crying. It's terrible to fall asleep crying!!! Like nobody cares about you in the world!!! Anyway...Elliott was alive and asleep. Aaron became quiet as I walked upstairs. He was looking at the ceiling unmoving. I thought he was dead!!! Then he looked over at me and smiled soooo big and started kicking his legs. I picked him up and hugged him hard. Elliott woke up about 10 minutes later. He was just as happy to see me and even happier to eat!!! I am not saying that I don't feel the stuff I wrote...I do and some days I look at my babies and blame them for everything. ALL days I love my babies more than anything...never doubt that.
So...Aaron is rolling around all over the place. He loves to play on his tummy now (I keep soft toys from him as they are harder to clean puke off of!!!) Elliott seems content to be on his back. He can roll over...just chooses not to. I think that once he figures out that he can get around by rolling we will be in big trouble. I am also thinking that it won't be long before Aaron is crawling. When he sees something he wants he tries very very very hard to get it and often does....I don't know how...it doesn't look like he is moving...it's like he gets a go go gadget arm!!! Both boys are doing a fine job eating solid food. They love squash (especially butternut) and carrots...but only had carrots once and I think maybe I should wait awhile before giving them carrots again. Aaron has some nasty diaper rash...or something...I could post a picture of it.....Apples were not so good. Aaron cried actual tears when I fed him apples. Elliott ate them and loved them but then threw every last bit up...I am sure of it...I had to clean it all up!!!
The boys started swimming lessons. It's pretty fun to play in the water with them...no so fun to be seen in public in a swimming suit =( Aaron seems to like the water more than Elliott but Elliott also seems to sleep a little less and is kind of grumpy during lessons. Both don't like going under water and it kind of freaks me out to have their ears in the water and to have them getting chlorine in their eyes and mouths....also on their skin. Maybe I am over protective. I wanted them in lessons as young as possible because I think it's important to know how to swim and not be afraid of water. I taught lessons with moms and babies at the Y in Jacksonville so I suppose I could teach them to swim myself but we don't have a pool and it would cost much MUCH more to build one or get a membership to RiverPlex.
I have to go make Aaron go back to sleep now...
ps...thanks for calling Jillian and being so anti circ!!!
Jen
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2 comments:
I am the mother of 4. I tried to breast feed my 1st but it didn't work. I never tried with the other 3. There were times I went to my bed room and stuffed a pillow in my mouth and screamed for 5 minutes,just to releive the stress. I did not have more then 1 baby at a time but I had 4, 8 years and under. I can't imagine how tired you must be, and how stressed. You are not a bad mother because you have days you wish you could just have a minute alone. Your blog is your way of blowing off steam and it is good that you can write it down and release it. I know you love your little guys as much as any mother could love her children. Being a mom is truly the hardest and greatest thing you will do in your life. It doesn't get easier, it gets different and more fun. I know this. I think I am a pretty good mom because I have 4 of the most wonderful daughters a mother could ever hope for. I must have done something right. You just keep doing what you are doing. Call if you need an ear to unload on. I really do understand. You are a very good mom. You need to give yourself a break. No one is perfect. Would you really want to be perfect in this very imperfect world. You wouldn't fit in anywhere. Just be you YOUR GREAT. I know this to. Love ya bunches. Mom
Awe! Mom is so sweet and so right!!!!! sniff, sniff.
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