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So...Sunday was not such a good day..sort of. I am so very tired...so so so very tired and feeling like I have done so many things wrong with my little guys in their short lives. This somehow doesn't stop me from getting so mad at them when they are cranky and crying because they are so tired. So...Tuesday morning I really really really just wanted a bowl of cereal and a shower...I didn't feel that was asking much. Let me preface this by telling you about a book Annie brought here. It's called the 90 minute sleep solution. It says that babies have 90 minute wake cycles. This doesn't mean that they can only be awake for 90 minutes at a time...actually, the twins couldn't even stay awake that long when they were new!!! They can be awake for more than one cycle but are more likely to be able to fall asleep and stay asleep if put to sleep at the end of a cycle. I just want to say that I have been saying for MONTHS that my babies are tired after being away for an hour and a half...that's 90 minutes!!! Yay for me I am so smart =) So anyway...I was trying to really keep track of when they woke up and start getting them ready to nap just before the time was up. This by itslef was not working so great. The book said that the best way to get them to stay asleep is to let them cry it out but that is very mean when you have a sleep deprived baby. I waited until Tuesday when I wanted a shower and cereal. I very calmly put my babies in their beds and left the room. Andrew was leaving for work and look a little concerned. I didn't take a shower...I had to listen to them until they stopped. To my suprise they just kind of whimpered (I know it was very sad) for about 40 minutes. I felt so guilty but they were both sleeping!!! Elliott took 2 1 and a half hour naps yesterday!!! Each time I layed them down they whimpered for less time. By bed time they didn't whimper but maybe 7 minutes. Elliott woke up a couple times in the night and put himself back to sleep. He did this probably in 2 minutes. Aaron woke up after Andrew got home and we had just sat down to have dinner together...seriously I think I had just put my fork in the food. I told Andrew we should see if he could soothe himself. We finished eating and put the leftovers away. Then Andrew couldn't wait any longer and picked him up. He went back to sleep rather quickly but woke up a few minutes later. I rocked him for about 30 minutes and gave up. Andrew took him into the spare bedroom ( as he has done for at least 2 weeks) and went to sleep. When these babies finally do sleep on their own it is going to be a huge adjustment for Andrew and I to have to sleep in a tiny queen size bed together!!! Anyway....I heard Elliott wake up around 5am. I am sure he could have gone back to sleep on his own but I was freezing and thought he would be too...and I missed him...so into bed with me he went. He slept soundly until 7:30am and woke up smiling...this has not happened in weeks!!! Today Elliott did not nap as well but he napped. Aaron did a little better today and put himself to sleep several times. I think it's important that I didn't do this until now...I needed to be really insane and tired before being able to listen to my babies need me. I feel no guilt now. I think I did what was best for them and for me. It's like the breastfeeding thing...I was so exhusted from pumping every 2 hours that I couldn't take care of my boys like I needed to. Stopping was better in the short and long run....with the sleep thing I was seriously going crazy. I still think that probably I would like to talk to a therapist (I believe everyone could use a little therapy =) and I think at times that I am depressed and could use some drugs, but its like a weight has lifted off my shoulders these past two days. I know that I could still have some terrible days ahead but at least I see a light at the end of the tunnel. I want to be a happy positive mom for my babies...I want to be the old Jen...the happy, funny, smiling, non grumpy Jen...I know she is in here somewhere!!!

Now for some fun baby stuff
Elliott and Aaron are both scooting themselves backwards. It has to be a little frustrating. Andre and I both saw Elliott move forward by pushing his feet into the floor yesterday. I tried to get him to do it again but he got pretty frustrated. Aaron is an expert at changing directions..he spins on his sweet little tummy. They love to eat paper and chew on anything they are not supposed to. I think that I have hidden things well but they find them. Aaron found some scissors under a chair yesterday...I was too lazy to put them away...won't make that mistake again!!! Aaron has begun to do this funny little breathing thing and cute lip thing when he starts to fuss. Elliott is screaming as loud and as much as ever!!! I hope he stops that some day soon!!! Elliott continues to laugh in his sleep. Its probably the best thing ever. I wish you all could witness it happening. They both told me that they are very excited to see aunt Joy and meet uncle Dave...YAY!!! Oh...Aaron continues to puke all day long but he is interested in eating more...I guess I would rather him eat less and puke less but I don't know when to make him stop or if I should even do that. They see the doctor at the end of the month and I AM NOT LEAVING UNTIL I GET THE ANSWERS I NEED!!! Probably I will forget when I am even concerned about. I am so stressed out by all the shots they are getting and by how much weight they have gained I don't know what I am doing. This doctor visit they will just be have a little blood drawn...hopefully it won't be as bad as the shots...those are terrible and I am going to do some research to see what shots they can do without (probably all but I am just not that crunchy...I want to be but am not). Now for some pictures...

Aaron eating paper at Old Chicago...his first time in a restaurant high chair=)


Elliott at Old Chicago...also his first time in a restaurant high chair



This should be on a MacMurray College recruiting pamphlet...


Andrew proudly wearing Aaron in the prettiest slingling we own =)


Aaron and Elliott with their Great Grandpa Shurts