Well...just when I thought I couldn't take it anymore, God make things better. I talked to two lactation consultants today and they made me cry. I can deal with this situation most of the time until someone asks if I am okay. Just know that I am not and don't ask. I thought that probably I was having a difficult time pumping because I am not with my babies and feel terrible about. Everything was always great with my pregnancy. The babies were always great...I never really felt bad...my feet just hurt. Then I go in for a regular ultrasound and I am admitted in the hospital. 5 days later I am transferred to St. Francis, and the next day my babies are cut out of me and I don't even feel sick!!! The babies are rushed to the NICU and I don't even get to see them for 2 days. It's a pretty crappy thing. I know that other people have it worse and I AM thankful that our babies are doing so well. I know that they could have been born even earlier...the thing is...this is my life and I don't like what has happened and I think its okay for me to fell sad about how things have turned out. I think I have said it before, some days are better than others. Today was not that great but it did end well. I don't feel like the lactation consultants helped me much other then to help me feel like I should feel more empowered to be an advocate for Elliott and Aaron. I will keep pumping and doing the best I can to give the boys the most I can.
So...I went into the NICU tonight and it looked like other parents were holding Aaron!!! Then I realized that it wasn't Aaron and he must have been moved. Well...he was moved...right next to Elliott!!! It finally happened. Andrew and I were able to sit next to each other, each holding and feeding a baby. It was super...plus the great night nurses put them in matching outfits...complete with hats and booties!!! I love Rebecca and Roxie!!! Aaron is up to 3lbs 5oz, Elliott is 3lbs 9oz. Both boys are getting 4 bottle feedings a day and Elliott is taking 30mL of milk while Aaron is still at 27mL. Elliott's isolette was set at 29.?? and Aaron's was at 30.??. They are very close to the same so I am really hoping and praying that they will be able to go home the same day. Andrew fed Aaron tonight. He took all but 4mLof his bottle. Elliott took all but 2mL. Elliott didn't regurge at all and Aaron just spit up what a normal baby would spit up. They are making steady progress which is so very good. It's just hard not to be a little negative...just to prepare myself if they do slide back a little. This kind of thing happens often in the NICU, and I don't want to be super sad and disappointed. Oh...both boys have had head sonos and both are fine. Elliott either has a benign tumor or extra perivascular space...both are fine and he will grow out of them. Aaron passed a hearing test and Elliott's hearing test is tonight. Having a deaf baby is by far the least of my concerns!!! Well..that's all the news I have. Thanks for reading!!!
Jen
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3 comments:
That is sooooo cool that they are finally back together again. I'm so happy that they are doing so well. I'm sorry if I ask you how you are feeling (Do I? I know I think it all the time) I just want to make everything better for you and I can't and it sucks. I do think it is perfectly fine and normal for you to be upset at the way things worked out. I would be too. And of course you know I am here for you boob-wise right? LOL I love you Jen.
Hi Jen (and Andrew)
This is one of Julie's friends and I want you to know that you've been in my prayers since you went into the hospital.
It is so normal to upset over the way everything happened. It's hard enough to be "ok" after a "normal" birth. So don't feel like you have to hide when you're having a rough time.
I'm glad the boys are together and making excellent progress.
And I think it's good to have updates on you along with the boys, instead of two seperate blogs. Your experience and theirs are intertwined and always will be.
Hey again, Jen.
I'm sorry you're having a rough go of it. the recovering procrastinator is right on, though. It's normal to feel less than normal after having babies. My birth (by medical standards... ick) was a normal birth, and honestly, I still cry about it. Personally, I think I need to seek therapy to deal with my demons, but that's a post hijack for another day.
Regarding the lactation consultants... find new ones. I'm sorry the ones you saw were less than helpful, but there *are* good ones... great ones out there. Don't forget... you ARE advocating for your babies... you're pumping and you're ensuring they get the best care possible. Keep doing what you're doing and those babies will be home with you and Andrew in no time.
And, I'm sure you've heard it before, but no pump will ever be as efficient at getting milk from your breasts as your babies will be. You may feel like you're not making enough b/c you're not getting a ton of ounces when you pump, but really, don't worry about. Keep pumping, and when your babies get home, they'll thrive. They're designed for nursing, and trust me, they do do it best.
If you're worried about supply, I can direct you to some resources for increasing your supply. But really, don't let the pump be your measuring tape.
Let's talk one of these days when you have a few free minutes. I'm not sure if Josh has your number... can you email it to me? jgracefrank@gmail.com.
Love to you, Andrew, and those amazing boys of yours.
~Jillian
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